And finally…drug users’ anger over getting ‘Winstoned’

New plastic notes replaced their paper forebears at the end of last year but were quickly embroiled in controversy after Hindus, vegetarians and vegans voiced their own beef when they discovered the new plastic fivers contained animal fat.

And now, while the virtues of the new notes’ thicker and stronger properties where hailed as a great advance, it seems cocaine users are suffering the nasal injuries which are being referred to as “getting Winstoned” in reference to Winston Churchill’s image appearing on the notes.

According to the Metro newspaper, this is becoming a widespread issue among users.

One anonymous cocaine user from Birmingham told the paper: “I thought I was the only person to have had my nose cut by the new fiver. But when I told my friend how I was in agony he said I had been “Winstoned” and it was happening to everyone.

“Everyone thought the new fivers were God’s gift to sniffing at the start because they roll up perfectly Now I suppose now people are realising if something seems too good to be true then it usually is.”